her (hi)story

Sunday, January 14

Heyy..

I just feel like blogging out my feeling and thoughts for this post.

Sometimes its just hurt real bad when people start assuming things about you. When people start bad mouthing you. When people you trust start going around talking about things that you never thought that will ever come out of their mouth. I dont even know who to trust now and always having the thinking that whether the words that coming out of my mouth will not be twisted by a person i call FRIEND. I'm unsure whether should i feel angry or hurt by the things that had happen.

I wasnt trying to play hard to get nor am i hidding my feelings from you. I dont want you to have that thinking that i can be pleased by just showering me with gifts. I dont want to jump into any thing cause i want to take things slow and easy. I dont want peoples' words to make the decison to my life. I'm doing what i'm doing for own good, our own good. Dont let peoples' words and assumptions change the thinkings you have of me. We are handling our own lives not them. They dont understand what were are trying to do and build. Let them assume all they want but you and i both know who we really are. I appreciate that you are being open with me and talk about this but i just think that it is not the time yet. You may say that i'm being 'hard' by not letting my feeling known but im just scare of being hurt. I cant afford to shed any tears for now. You made promises to me but i had been promised too many times before that im kinda afraid of that word and what it contains. I had too much empty promises being made to me before. I know that i should let go of my past and hope for the best in time to come. Bt i need time. I know you are being sincere, im glad you are.But i think need assurance for that sincerity. Can you give me that assurance?

Im giving you the chance to let you get to know me better. And so i hope what people say and assume doesnt affect what we both know. I cant promise you that i shall let my feelings be known if theres anything thats bothering me cause...Somethings are better off not being known or told. :)

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Sometimes i think i dont even know me. What kind of person i am. What i like and dislikes. Im now at the period of time and moment when i dont even know what i want in life. Im now someone with no direction. Maybe i need to do some soul searching like what somebody say.

Seriously i have no idea whether i like you or not. Its like for now i have no feelings and always go blank when you ask me.

:)